Episode 1 – The Birth of My Inner Tiger
By Sidney DeCamella
July 14, 2021

We all have an Inner Tiger within us! I first discovered mine while laying in the ICU with 50 lbs of fluid on my body, unable to move.

I’d given birth to my son a few days prior, almost died, and ended up in complete kidney failure. I was in tons of pain but the worst pain of it all was being separated from my newborn baby.

I distinctly remember, at 11:22pm on 11/10/19, this supernatural force came over me and for a moment I was taken over by what I can only describe as a WARRIOR spirit. I clenched my fists, closed my eyes and let out a ROAR (and yes, I took a selfie so I would always remember)!

This was my Inner Tiger coming through in physical form, assuring me that I WOULD get through this and come out bigger, better and stronger on the other side.

From that moment on, there was no stopping me. I was convinced I would heal my body and that’s what I did. This episode is all about what transpired in November, 2019 and how My Inner Tiger came to be.

Find relief from stress  & anxiety in 5 minutes

Episode Transcript

Welcome to the, My Inner Tiger podcast. I’m your host, Sidney DeCamella. I’m also a wife, mother, master life coach, course creator and spiritual Sherpa. Over the past few years, I have overcome extreme anxiety, depression, addiction, infertility and chronic illness. And as a result, I’ve made it my life’s mission to teach other women like you that no matter what battle you’re up against, you have an inner tiger, a power within to create and manifest whatever your heart desires. If you are tired of being a victim and ready to be boss of your life, you have come to the right place. Each episode I’m going to share tools, teachings, and techniques I have used and taught countless other women so that together we can create a life beyond our wildest dreams. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your inner tiger is just waiting to be unleashed. I’m so happy you’ve tuned in. Let’s get started.

Hello, beautiful soul. Welcome to the very first My Inner Tiger podcast episode. I am so excited to have you here. My name, as I said in the intro, is Sidney DeCamella, and I just want to be really transparent with you. I don’t know how to start a podcast. I do not know, I’ve recorded and rerecorded this intro over and over and over again. And I just, this time have decided not to rerecord. I’m going to be completely real and myself, and that’s the advice I would give anyone I was coaching as well, is to just stop overthinking it. Nobody wants perfect. So here we go. Your non-perfect first podcast episode. So what I want to talk about in this is just a general understanding of where my inner tiger came from, and which will also lead us into my most recent big story that I want to share that was just extremely transformational for me and brought me to where I am today, creating a business and a podcast, and opening my voice up to the world.

So what does My Inner Tiger mean? Well, I discovered my own personal inner tiger in the hospital in November, of 2019. And what an inner tiger is to me, is it’s a power that we all have within ourselves. This supernatural, higher self, spiritual power that we have within us to be able to conquer anything we’re up against, but not just conquer it, or get through it, but transform and evolve into something so much bigger than ourselves. And if you’ve ever been through something really hard, anything, a death or an illness, or a diagnosis, or an accident, or just, God, the list really goes on, anything really hard that you’ve been through in your life, we all go through this, you came out on the other side. And believe it or not, the power that got you through it, the unthinkable, was what I’m considering your inner tiger. And so let me tell you a little bit about how I came to realize mine.

So this story starts, where does every story really start? Right? We all have tons of stories in our lives, but I want to start mine on November 6th, 2019, when I gave birth to my son. So I was the girl who read all the books, did all the preparation, studied everything. I practiced hypnobirthing. I was going to have an all natural labor. And if I wasn’t already advanced maternal age, I would have absolutely done a home birth. I’m that girl, I’m that girl. And so I’d studied everything. And I was so prepared to just do this the best way possible, even though I was doing it in a hospital. I had gone against my OB’s advice to induce early and just all the things. And so here it comes a couple of days after my due date, and I’ve gotten some information that I might have polyhydramnios, is that how you say? Poly, where you have too much fluid in your stomach.

And then there were a couple of other reasons that they were like, this is risky, this is risky. We want to go ahead and induce you. And so out of fear, I agreed to be induced. And it just began a big snowball of events where the induction led to more induction to more induction, because nothing was happening, and eventually I’m getting epidurals and, what else? Epidurals and just all the different things that you can interventions, medical interventions that you can get that when you go through the classes, you’re like, these are all the things I want to avoid. Right? So here I am not having any kind of delivery like I had planned whatsoever, which is fine. I did go in expecting that nothing ever works exactly as planned. So I’m just like, let’s get this baby out healthy and all of that.

And so here I am, I finally am in labor, I’m finally pushing and I end up pushing for two and a half hours, which was, I thought I was going to die during the pushing. So he finally comes out and because of all of that pushing, my eyes had swollen shut. And so I can barely see him out of the slither of my eyes. And I see him and I knew instinctively that he was fine, but I knew that I was not fine. And I had gotten a high fever and my OB was telling me that my placenta was not coming out. So this is what we would call a retained placenta. So I had a retained placenta and she says, we’re going to have to book an OR to remove the placenta through a D&C.

And so I was out of it, I remember it, but I was just like, okay, I didn’t really think too much of it, but I still was like, something’s not right. I could just feel it intuitively in my body. And before she took me down to surgery, she says, and by the way, I just want you to know that worst case scenario, we may have to take your uterus. And in that moment, it’s important to point out that I was so terrified and adamant that she not take my uterus. So after being in labor for 50 hours and pushing for two and a half hours, I was like, no, no, no, don’t take my uterus. I basically want to do this again. And I point this out because just the strength of women, right? God, after all of that and literally thinking, I might not make it through. And I still was like, no, no, don’t take my uterus. I want to do this again. That just really blows my mind. I always go back to that moment.

And so my husband’s kissing me goodbye. And we’re praying. We’re just like, oh, no, please don’t let her take my uterus. And so I get down to the OR, they put me under, and the next thing I remember, I wake up and I feel like I’m in death, I am experiencing true death. I cannot open my eyes. I can’t speak. I can’t move. I can’t talk. I can’t do anything. I can’t communicate. And I was so, so, so thirsty. There are no words to describe the amount of thirst I was experiencing. It was the worst feeling ever, and I’m crying and I’m so delirious. And I can hear these nurses in the background and I just don’t know what’s going on, and I’m trying to speak and they’re not able to hear me. And it was just like being stuck in a nightmare.

And the reason that I felt that way is because, now I didn’t know this, obviously I was under anesthesia, but here’s what happened in that OR. They did not take my uterus, believe it or not, but during the D&C and the removal of my placenta, I started to hemorrhage and I ended up losing four liters of blood. We only have five liters in our body. And so naturally I had to have tons of blood transfusions, but what really went on is my OB was performing this procedure and I lost so much blood that some angel in the operating room took it upon themselves to run out and find help. So they find the first doctor. In fact, it turns out there were no surgeons available. I’ve even spoken to the surgeons that worked that night. No surgeons were available. The first person they saw was another OB who had just come out of a C-section. They bring him in. He comes in, gloves up, pushes everyone out of the way, assesses the situation, reaches up, grabs my placenta and stops the bleeding. He saved my life. I love this man.

And so naturally, now that makes sense as to why I felt the way I did. I had so many blood transfusions running through my body. And if I even tried to move just a little bit, blood was gushing from my vagina. And so I’m in the hospital, so sick, and I believe I saw my husband that night, and I’ll never forget that next morning. My mom comes in and I’m sleeping, and I wake up and I look over and my mom’s sitting there and she’s holding my hand and she’s crying. And I was like, hey, mom, I’m really sick. And she’s like, I know baby. I’ll never forget it. I will never forget that moment. And it made me realize too, just how sick I really was. So here’s what happened, because I lost all of that blood, what naturally happens to your body in a major blood loss is your organs start to shut down. And all of the blood goes to your heart and then your brain.

And so my kidneys had shut down. And so basically I was in kidney failure and I ended up gaining 50 pounds of fluid on my body. And I could barely move. I couldn’t roll over for weeks. Okay. And so my kidneys were working zero. Now, we were sitting around waiting for them to just kick back in, because usually once you get all the blood transfusions, eventually your kidneys will come back online. Right? Well, mine weren’t. And I was also going through these other treatments, like plasmapheresis, and just all kinds of other things. And they finally, finally gave me a diagnosis called aHUS, it’s atypical hemolytic uremic syndrome, which is a very, very, very rare blood disease, or blood disorder. And it was triggered by pregnancy.

So about two in one million people have this, it’s so rare. And so the way they treat that is they put me on an infusion, which I’m now on indefinitely for the rest of my life, every eight weeks called Ultomiris. And so every eight weeks I go to the clinic and I get this infusion and it keeps my, it’s really hard to explain, but it basically keeps the disorder at base so I’m able to live a normal life, but this all happened as a trigger of pregnancy, pregnancy and, or, the trauma of birth. It’s a gray area as to how exactly it happened.

So therefore here I am in the hospital in complete kidney failure. I end up getting on dialysis, and I was in the hospital for one month. Now the worst part of all of it, the worst part of all of it, was that I was barely able to see my newborn baby. And I didn’t mention yet that my husband and I had struggled with, for years, with infertility, we finally ended up getting pregnant through IVF on our third round. And here I am thinking I had made it because I was pregnant and giving birth, and I can’t even be with this new baby. And it was so incredibly heartbreaking. And I remember taking that pain and just shoving it down. It was so, so incredibly painful. I just had to physically make the, or mentally, I guess, make the decision to just put it down and I’d have to deal with it later. And that was how I got through that entire month in the hospital.

And so I want to take a pause here in the story and go back to in that month, I’d say about two weeks in, maybe a little bit less, there was a moment, it was less because I was still in the ICU. So there was a moment where something just came over me and it was just this power. And it’s so hard to describe in words what it was, but this power, this energy, this strength, this warrior strength just came over me. And I just started shaking and almost went into a growl. Honestly. And my fists are clamped and I’m not doing it loud because I don’t want to freak everybody in the hospital out. So I’m doing it under my breath, but I physically was just going, ah, and shaking and just this power that was so intense. And what it meant in my soul, it wasn’t audible words, but what it meant was I’m going to get through this. I am going to conquer this. I have the power within me. And it was like I turned into a beast, right? And this is where my inner tiger came from.

This was such a powerful moment for me that I will never, ever forget. And I even took a selfie, which I’ll post for you guys at some point somewhere as I’m documenting my journey, but I took a selfie because I wanted to remember how incredibly powerful it was. And then the selfie, here I am on oxygen, my mouth is wide open, my eyes are squeezing shut, and I’m just growling. Right? And it was incredible. And so that’s where I say that my inner tiger was born. Now, I’ve always had this inner tiger, but this was a moment where I realized where it manifested itself in pure, real form. Does that make sense? And so does that mean that this whole entire health chronic illness, kidney failure journey, that I have been, just like, ah, I’m a warrior. I’m going to make this through. Absolutely not. But it’s like when this tiger was born, it became this voice on my shoulder. Right?

So you’ve always all seen the angel and the devil, little cartoons where you’ve got one on each shoulder, right? Well, I like to call the one on my right shoulder, my gremlin, and my left shoulder now is what I call my inner tiger. It’s like whenever that gremlin self-doubt voice starts to come in and talk fear into my life, that big tiger is just so much bigger now, now that I completely recognized and experienced the power of this tiger. Right? And so we all have a tiger. You have one, it doesn’t have to be a tiger. It can be whatever you want it to be. I have a friend that said theirs was an eagle, or a lion, or whatever. But wherever you identify with that inner power, that inner warrior within yourself to conquer absolutely anything, that’s what it is. That’s what the essence of my inner tiger is. And so that’s a story about where mine was born and what the name of my business is inspired by that exact moment. So let’s get back to my story.

My inner tiger, well, what am I trying to say? So back to my story. I’m in the hospital for a month. So I finally, finally get out and I get home. And I remember the day I got home, I’m sitting there and I’m holding my new baby and I’m looking at my husband, and I’m just, I cried the whole way home. I cried that whole night. I just was so, so happy to be out of that jail cell hospital. And here I am, I’m so thrilled, but at the same time I had so much anxiety. I had so much fear and confusion and doubt. And I was like, I have this new baby, how am I going to take care of this baby? I can barely take care of myself. Now, granted, I did have my mother, my mother-in-law, my aunt came down for a little bit, I had support, and my husband’s incredible, but still here I am, I’m a new mom and I can barely take care of myself, but that tiger in me was like, you’re going to figure out how to do this.

You are going to heal not only your body, but also your mind. And so I knew that although it was going to be very tough, I was going to get through this and I was not going to let this beat me. So I spent the next year of my life, first of all, on dialysis, which if you know anything about dialysis, it’s horrible. They, basically you sit in a chair for four hours, they take your blood out, clean it and put it back in. You leave exhausted. I can not be a mother after dialysis. So it’s a whole day, three days a week completely wiped away from me. It was absolutely brutal. But the entire time I was bound and determined to heal my body. The doctor said that, that it was impossible. They were like, you can’t come back from this. So much damage has been done to your kidneys from the aHUS that you can’t come back from this. And I refused to believe that, I absolutely refuse to believe that. And I was determined to heal, and I did.

And so I’m so proud to say that after just over a year on dialysis, my numbers finally got better. Got good enough for me to get off dialysis. I was even scheduled for a kidney transplant on March 4th, 2021. And I am so proud to say that I was able to cancel that because my kidneys are continuing to get better. Yay. It’s very slow, very slow, but surely. And I believe that I will not need to transplant and that I will continue to heal. And then I will completely heal my body on my own. And so that is what I want to share with you and with the rest of the world, that we all have this ability to manifest whatever we set our mind to beyond what this 3D reality tends to tell us is possible.

So I got this hand towel from my, both from my mom and my sister for Christmas this year, and it said, she believed she could, so she did. And that just describes me so perfectly and my journey so perfectly, because I believed, I never gave up hope that my kidneys would heal, and that I would get off of dialysis and be able to be the healthy mom that I wanted to be and that my child deserved. And here I am today. I still have a long way to go, but that’s what’s so beautiful. I feel like for why I’m doing this now, I’m creating this business and this podcast now, is because I’m not at the top of the mountain saying, hey, look, it’s so great up here. I’m still in it. I’m still healing. And I still have a ways to go, but I almost wish I would have started doing this earlier so that I could have consistently been tracking and talking about all the things that I’ve done up to this point to get me where I am today.

So I’m going to do the best throughout the rest of these episodes and beyond, I want to do this for years and talk about what I have done to get me to where I am today, and also just walk you through things as I’m going through it on this incredible journey that I’m on. So what I want to leave you with today is that where in your life have you gone through something really, really, really hard and come out on the other side? Did you ever stop to celebrate and pat yourself on the back and figure out how you made it through? It’s because you have an inner tiger within you. You have a power bigger than yourself that you can tap into at any time and whatever you used, and whatever it was that got you through, that will get you through whatever you’re going through today, and anything that you come up against in your life. So I am so glad to have you on this beautiful journey with me. Thank you so much for listening and I will talk to you soon.

Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of My Inner Tiger. Before you go, I have a free gift to offer you. If you’re anything like me and struggle with overwhelming feelings of stress and anxiety on a regular basis, I invite you to download my freedom in five formula, where you’ll discover how to change your state in less than five minutes. This is my beautiful gift to you and cost $0. So head on over to myinnertiger.com/freedom to download this now. Also, if you loved what you heard today, please rate and review this podcast on iTunes so I can keep the ball rolling. And finally, if you’re not already, come follow me on Instagram at myinnertiger for more juicy goodness and fun inspiration. I can’t wait to connect with you there. Now, my dear friend, go out into this world and create some magic. I’ll catch you in the next episode.

Follow us on your favorite podcast platforms

Spotify
Apple Podcasts
Spotify
iHeart Radio MyInnerTiger