Episode 17 – Cancer Saved Me – with Angelica Alen

What most of us don’t fully understand is that a crazy health diagnosis is really Spirit/Source/God’s way of getting our attention because the smaller attempts weren’t working. It is then up to us to tune in and learn the lessons; or choose to be a victim and remain the same. When we choose the latter, those lessons will continue to repeat themselves until we finally surrender.

In this episode, I interview Angelica Alen. Angelica was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer at age 38 and she made the choice to surrender. She recognized it was an opportunity to become someone brand new and live a life of passion and purpose. 

She did the hard inner work and her story is INCREDIBLE! Angelica is now cancer-free and a transformational coach. She helps others break free from their chains and live life on purpose.

If you’re looking for a good dose of inspiration and motivation, this is it!

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Episode Transcript

Welcome to the My Inner Tiger Podcast. I'm your host, Sidney DeCamella. I'm also a wife, mother, Master Life Coach, Course Creator and Spiritual Sherpa. Over the past few years, I have overcome extreme anxiety, depression, addiction, infertility and chronic illness. And as a result, I've made it my life's mission to teach other women like you. That no matter what battle you're up against, you have an inner tiger, a power within to create and manifest whatever your heart desires. If you are tired of being a victim and ready to be the boss of your life, you have come to the right place. Each episode, I'm going to share tools, teachings, and techniques I have used and taught countless other women so that together we can create a life beyond our wildest dreams. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your inner tiger is just waiting to be unleashed. I'm so happy. You've tuned in. Let's get started. Hello, beautiful souls. And welcome back to the miner tiger podcast. I am beyond thrilled to share this episode with you because it touched my heart so deeply. I'm interviewing Angelica Allen from Australia and her story is just truly compelling. Angelica was diagnosed with stage three bowel cancer in 2018 and is only 38 years old. And instead of focusing on the negativity that surrounds the world of cancer, she decided to see cancer as an opportunity to change everything in her life. And that is exactly what she did. Angelica's beautiful message is about overcoming fear, and that's both fear of living and the fear of dying. It's also about truly connecting with your body and finding compassion and forgiveness of yourself. And finally, it's about surrender and letting go of control and no matter what challenges you are facing right now, that is exactly what we all need to hear. Angelica is now completely cancer-free and living her purpose as a transformational coach to help others live the life of their dreams. I was so moved by this conversation and I know you will be too, so get cozy and enjoy this magical episode. I am so, so, so excited about today's guest Angelica Allen, welcome to the My Inner Tiger Podcast! Angelica: Oh, well, thank you so much for inviting me. I am super excited to be here. Really, really. Sidney: I'm so excited to have you, so let me just start by telling everyone how this conversation came to be. I am in a Tony Robbins community, Facebook group online, and Angelica is in there as well. And I was just scrolling through Facebook and her posts in the group popped up and I was just totally intrigued by it. As you heard in the intro, she has an incredibly powerful story. And that's what she was sharing in that post. And I just immediately, like, without questioning it sent her a DM and was like, I have a podcast about healing and triumph and blah, blah, blah. Would you like to be a guest on my podcast? And so here we are, she said yes. And I'm very thrilled about that. So let's just dive right in. And Angelica, why don't you start by telling us a little bit about the story of what it was like when you first got diagnosed? Angelica: So I was diagnosed after having an emergency surgery when I went into the hospital , you know, even though the symptoms didn't really show anything that was going to be stage three bad cancer. And the way that I looked at doctors did not suggest that there was going to be anything serious. Because I just presented myself as not feeling a bit like under the weather, like not feeling, feeling a bit queasy. And they were like, oh, you know, you know, have you eaten something? And, and it was, it was kind of lots of questions, but they were like, you know, you don't have any family history, you know, any underlying conditions. So when they put me through the CT scan and they saw that one of my bowels was full of poo, sorry for the description here on one side and the bowel had gone inside itself. Angelica: On the other hand, they still didn't say, was going to be canceled. They still kind of thought, you know, it could be a polyp, but obviously when they went in they realized that they're part of the bowel that had gone inside itself. It was actually cancer. They took probably about 20 centimeters off my bow and rejoined. I was really lucky that they were able to do that. So I didn't have to have a bag. And as soon as I came out of the surgery, which was a very long surgery, the doctor confirmed that it was stage three bad cancer and that I would need to have chemotherapy. And I was lucky that my husband was next to me when they dropped that bomb. And I just remember saying to the doctor, but I have two kids as if, as if this was going to save me from having that diagnosis. Angelica: And he kind of said to me, like, you know, you'll be fine. And he left the room. I was left liking. I could, I could not even think, you know, I had just come out of this surgery. My poor husband, I don't know how he coped with that. Because he had to go home and look after the kids. I reached out to God and I asked God, you know, like why there's not, not in an angry way, but in a way of, you know, why did, why, why something so serious? You know, why stage three? No, why cancer? And God answered me very calmly. I have been trying to tell you things. I have been trying to tell you to stop and you haven't listened. And I think I left that conversation, and then, because I don't think I could cope with anything else on that particular day. Angelica: I was very, very scared for a month. Probably mostly for two weeks because I had a month to recover, to start chemo. So from that point on was like being discharged from hospital and getting ready to start chemotherapy in another month. And those first two weeks were in a very, very dark place. So I could think about my funeral, my kids, you know, life without me, you know, they grow up without me, they finish school without me, they get married without me. And it was very, very difficult. I went to bed everyday crying, you know, asking what I was, I was desperate. I was, you know, my husband, I would be saying to him, you know, I just want to survive for my kids. This is you know, going back to that is yeah, it's crazy how, you know, how, how much my mindset had to change from that place. Angelica: And there was a day that I spent probably crying the whole day. My husband had left for the beach with the kids and on that day I kind of cried my whole life's worth almost and all the sadness and all the self BT, whatever you want to call it. And on that day after they came back from, from the beach, I kind of said to myself, I'm ready. You know, I'm ready to tackle this and I'm ready to go for it. And there was, you know, probably a week before I had to meet my oncologist and, you know, they told me to plan, which was to have as he described the strongest chemotherapy, my body could take because I was very young and he just needed to zap everything that there was inside my body to leave nothing behind. So that was the message that I got on that first meeting with them. Cologists and then my journey started, they started, you know, with process gas. Sidney: So this is where I want it here, where it gets good. So tell me more about the journey and how things turned around. Angelica: So the first, you know, I had 12, 12 sessions supposedly to be every two weeks. But your body can take that every two weeks. It's very, very strong after the first one, I felt like I was on those, you know, transporting movies that, you know, they get a shot of some sort of heroin. And you would just like laying and looking at this car, like the ceiling. Like, I felt like that for five days, I did not move from bed. Like I was, I couldn't listen to music. I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't speak to anyone on the phone. I couldn't, I could barely speak, like I would just get up, eat my food, go back to bed. And my husband would be like, oh, do you wanna go for a walk? And I'll be like, now, do you want to listen to music now? Angelica: Do you want to watch TV? No, I could not move for five days. And I kind of said to myself, how the heck is my body supposed to get another 11 of those? And, and, you know, I just couldn't imagine how that was going to be possible physically and emotionally. But as soon as I started being able to get up, I started, you know, to go for walks and, you know, like I listened to one of your podcasts and you said, you know, I would make a point to walk every 20 minutes a day and I would just drag myself. And I would go for the little walk, as I know, like for as long as I could. And I started re-devouring books about nutrition, and I started slowly changing my diet and just really focusing on what I could do physically to help my body. And within that, you know, the first I had already in after the sec, you know, when I was supposed to receive the second dose I had to delay, I had a sore throat and, you know, you can't get any chemotherapy when you're not well, and that was, you know, the journey of disappointment and having to be super strong in your mindset because the setbacks were huge. They were everywhere every minute. And I realized Sidney: And relate to that. I can relate to that in my journey. I'm getting chills, but sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you to keep going. Angelica: And you had to be, you know, at the beginning, I'm, I'm the, I'm not going to lie to you. Like I used to when they used to say to me, like, you can't have your chemo because you are so focused on like, oh my God, I just had, I want to have the second one. I want to have the third one. I don't want to have the fourth one so I can finish with this. But when they tell you, you can't have it, it feels like a failure. I'm like what I'm doing everything I can, I make this sizing it, you know, at that point I was, you know, really going for walks every day, I was already changing my diet and I was doing everything that I possibly thought I could. And when they tell you, you can't have it, you have another week that you need to wait. Angelica: It's very, very frustrating. And you put your whole life, like in a, in a hold as well, because it means that you're going to be longer in that whole chemotherapy process. Anyway, like after, you know, the, the constant, I was constantly searching for ways, like I said, to, to improve my physical health. And I started every, every, every day changing something about my eating habits and introducing different types of exercises. I started doing yoga at home. I realized that I couldn't go out because I was getting more susceptible to getting sick, like even with colds and coughs and things like that. So I self quarantined myself, which was a beautiful process, to be honest, I was what I needed and looking back it was a perfect, you know, at that time I was not even on Facebook and I, I think there was a, a blast this cause I had no old distractions and all of a sudden I felt it was just me, myself and I at home when my family would leave, you know, to school, my husband, to work and to kindie. And, I was just left with myself for the first time. And I remember, you know, doing a yoga practice and sitting, and when, you know, like they teach us, says, you know, now we know, you know, connect to your body and speak to your body and to yourself. And I'm, I just kind of thought to myself who am I? Angelica: I'm just like, how did I even get here? Like how did this even happen to me? I don't even know who I am anymore. And that led me to a long emotional healing journey, which as you know, you are very passionate about, and I am, I am too. And I am very blessed that our paths have crossed. And I feel that you're an amazing person to have gone through because I know it's not an easy path to go through. And I started just having to really dig deep. I knew my cancer was very much about healing, a deep resentment that I held on against my family, my parents. And I knew that I needed to let that go, but I must admit that at the beginning I was focused on my physical health and I could not deal with it. Angelica: Like the thought of it. I was just like, I don't even know where to start this. You know, I have so much anger inside me and so much resentment. And I know I need to forgive, but I just don't know how, and this is when for me I got, I believe in God I got really close to, to God and you reach out to help. And I said, you need to help me because I don't know how to do this. And I just don't know if I can. I mean, I knew I couldn't do it by myself. And I remember we were talking about this a little bit before we pushed play today. I did a meditation with an orphan online cancer symposium I was listening to, and, and the person said, and I'll put the hand on your can set and ask about your cancer while you're here. Angelica: And when I did that exercise was so powerful because I could hear my cancer screaming at me, anger. And I knew that I needed to let go of all the anger and rage that was inside of me. And I needed to work through that. There was only not a pattern where that was also something that I needed to get out of my body with like a bowl of energy that I needed to get out of my body if I wanted to heal myself. So I started working through that you know, by journaling is starting to listen to people like Dr. Joe Dispenza, understanding like, you know, patterns, emotions, and feelings in bay mind that all of that was happening while I was still at home. I did not want to, you know, go out too much because of, you know, the issue of getting delays and my chemo. Angelica: I was very much focused on, you know, I was very much focused on me for the first time in 20 years, you know, there were no distractions. I would wake up every day and I would ask myself, what can I do to heal my body today? What can I eat to heal my body? What can I listen to that will help my mind? What can I do today to help myself? And there were just the three questions that I asked myself every day and I didn't focus on anything else. I didn't focus on looking at my bank account, cleaning the house, nothing. It was like, you know, all of these things that we get distracted with, like when in day-to-day life, I was just focused on me for seven and a half months. Wow. And I think that was really key to my success. Angelica: Like at the end of it, that was really key for me, finishing 12 sessions of chemo feeling stronger than I started to, because my focus was relentless. Like I would just be like literally every day thinking about that. And I would drag myself, you know, like to, like you said, you know, going for walks and then slowly with each session, instead of getting weaker, I started getting stronger. And instead of having five days in bed, I would have four days in bed. Instead of having four days, I would have three days. And, you know, and by the end of the two weeks, I would just like going for it. And I had my bike on a you know, at home, like in those, you know, like a winch, I forgot what they're called. Like when you put on a bike on a stand and I would just be going for eight, I am doing weights. Angelica: I'll go for a run. I'll just like going for it. And I would just keep doing that no, every, every time that, you know, I was hit with a chemotherapy treatment, I will, even though on my worst days, I'll drive myself at a walk and I would just be increasing the exercise every single day. And yeah, we talked about something again, you know, before we push play today, which I think is really important to highlight. You know, I am a duet and I'm very much like a type, a personality that needs to be, you know, like doing everything I can for everything. And on my, probably Ted after my Ted treatment I got they had told me, look, you're probably going to go into menopause during chemo, because that's what chemo does for people. So don't, you know, don't worry about that. Angelica: Because I had, you know, previous to my diagnosis, I was iron deficient and they thought that, you know, my aunt could have been because I was having heavy periods. And they said, you know, don't worry about they probably not going to get any periods. So I had a period which almost killed me and I was leading to death. So by the time I presented myself to the emergency, I had zero white cells. My red cells were not recovering. And I had to have two bags of blood plus a bag of iron. And still, my body wasn't recovering. And every day I would wake up and I would be asking the nurse is, I couldn't see my kids because I was completely isolated. And I was in a cancer ward. So kids couldn't even go there and I would wake up and I would be asking the nurses you know, what are my levels? Angelica: You know, what are my new, my white cell levels? What are red cells? Are they going up? You know, I would just be desperate to know what was happening to my body. And I would like going, like walking around the room, doing my exercises in the room. And I would just be like, going crazy. What else can I do? And the oncologists would come every day and say, you know, unfortunately your levels are coming up and you know, you just have to stay here and I'll be so disappointed, like so disappointed and so sad, you know, like I just wanted to go home. And there was one day that his doctor came in, like by herself in the afternoon when she spoke to me in Spanish, which was quite interesting because I thought that had that moment. She came in not to be a doctor, but to be a friend. Angelica: And she said, Angelica, you need to let go. You just need to stop waking up every day and asking the nurses for your levels, you need to stop, you know, thinking that you can do something for, to change, you know, your, your white cells levels and your red cells level. You need to think that literally, this is the best place for you to stay and be right now, because if you get out there, you're going to die. And there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that. And then that moment, he just hit me like an equal. And I was just like, oh my God, this is the message I've just got to that goal. And, you know, for me, it was so hard to let go because, you know, I'm such a duet and I, you know, I'm always constantly looking for the solution and what can I do? And I know like taking the madness to my own hands, but at that moment I realized, you know, my journey was about letting go. And at the moment I let go, I remember I had like one of those, like, you know, like novels that they give out in the hospitals and all like terrible. And I was, and I was just sad. I just thought I'm just going to read my book. And I sat reading the book and, you know, the next day my levels went up and two days later I left the hospital. Sidney: Ooh. Yeah. And I want to intervene here just a little bit. As Angelica and I were talking, before we hit record, we were comparing notes here on our stories. And both of us could relate so much to the idea of just surrendering and letting go. And I was telling her that this is something I learned very early on in my kidney failure journey, or my kidney journey will not call it kidney failure, the journey. And I've, I've since like, forgotten about it, you know, it's, I went back to such a typical pattern for me of doing, and doing, and doing, and doing and looking outside of myself. And just this afternoon before even talking to Angelica, I had a beautiful conversation with someone who reminded me that in order for me to get where I need to be with my numbers, I need to let go. And so this message, I think, is just so huge for anyone, anyone listening, no matter what you're going through the best thing you can do is surrender. It's the best way. It's the way to manifest whatever it is you're trying to manifest. Would you agree with that, Angelica? Angelica: Yeah, I totally agree with that. And when you say that, no, I think it's that you know, when you said to me, before we started recording, you said, no, I know my kidneys are going to heal. I have that unshakable knowing inside of me that I was going to be fine and well, and that I was going to be healthy. You know, I never, I never thought to myself, I'll be happy to finish chemo for me was just like, chemo was just a part of the process. I knew I was, my mindset was like, I'm, I'm creating a new body and I'm creating your mind and I'm creating a new soul here. I'm, I'm like rubbing off everything that I've done so far, and I'm starting all over again. This is my opportunity to start my life again. Sidney: Gosh. Angelica: And I had that, you know, feeling side of me in the same way as you do. And when I look back at my life, when you had like, you know, the two times that I had that is it's that fine balance of knowing, and obviously still doing things to get yourself there, but having faith. Yes. You know, like, you know, if I know it's a, it's a, a hard conversation to have because not many people, you know, believe in God will have a belief, but, you know, having that unshakeable, like knowing inside you that, you know, you are going to be okay, or that you are going to get where you want to be. And that is the part that that's where you have to kind of almost like lay your surrender in, in all that, Sidney: That is exactly right. You said that so well, it's the faith, it's the unshakeable faith that is going to get you where you need to be always. And how do we dive into that? We've let go. We surrender. Yeah. Angelica: Yeah. I totally agree. And for me it was you know, when people talk about like, oh, I know, keep fighting cancer and fighting us. I never used those words. I embraced counsel. I embraced cancer as an opportunity for me to start all over again. You know what I always think, like when people have had attacks, they don't get another chance. I got another chance, you know, I got another chance to leave and to recreate my life. And for me, it was never a fight. I mean, in actual fact, when I thought of all the word fight, I had been fighting with life my whole life, and I was tired of fighting. Wow. So I did not want to fight anymore, you know, and for me it was like, I need to embrace this and I need to and I'm, you know, and it sounds cliche, but I am very grateful for cancer because if it wasn't for cancer, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I wouldn't have changed everything that I've changed. You know, like, you know, my diet, the way I live, my lifestyle, my emotional patterns, you know, like the rape or affecting my family you know, my kids and, you know, my husband and our relationship and everything, you know, it, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for counselor, so I embrace it all. And I just took us this opportunity to just start all over again. Sidney: Right. such a beautiful story. Have you ever heard of Anita Moore, Johnny? Yes. Angelica: You mentioned her book, right? Like I, I, I know her story and I've seen her speaking, but I have never read her book. Sidney: Oh, you will love her book. Oh, her book is so good. And you actually, I listened to it on audible and what's funny is your voices are very similar. So when I hear you talking, I'm like, she sounds so much like Anita, that's so weird and their story is a little similar. So I really recommend that to anyone actually. And, and what she, she had the same message as, you know, her whole life. She was striving and trying and fighting to be someone and something that she thought she needed to be when she finally surrendered to, you know, just letting it all go when she had a near-death experience and realizing, you know, this was, this was all about me letting go of all of that stuff. And just learning to surrender into myself, into, into being me that I don't have to try or do anything. Sidney: I just have to be me and embrace that. And God, the message is just so beautifully written too. So but that is, that is the message for anyone. And for anyone listening, you know, you don't have to have cancer or kidney problems or a health diagnosis, anything that you're going through right now that you're struggling with just in what, what way can you let it go and just trust and have faith that, you know, God, the universe has your back because it does. And I promise that when you release all of that need to be in control, you will find your answers on the other side of that. You will find your peace, you will find your healing and you will find yourself. Right. So, Angelica: Yeah, definitely. I'd agree with that. And you know, when I first started my journey, obviously I wanted to live for my kids because, you know, there were only six and four. And for me it was, I just have to do everything that I can to survive for them. And I remember I picked up a book in the library. Like I didn't even know what it was about. It was, I just thought I'm just gonna, I wanna read a book about mum, who's had cancer. How, you know, how mums do, you know, like this whole chemotherapy thing and interesting enough, the two books that I picked up there were mums and one of them had stage four bowel counts that, and, and this lady, I didn't do anything to change her lifestyle. And, and she died. I stopped reading the book because, and I, and I hate, you know, probably this is going to resonate with you, Sydney. Angelica: I hate starting something and not finishing, but that book, I had to stop reading because I knew she was going to die. And I remember, you know, in the book she's talking about, you know, in my daughter, you know, she's standing, she's really, you know, I read her Baron. She's really scared that I'm going to die. And I won. I had this feeling like if I, if something happens to me, I wanted my kids to know that I have tried everything I could to survive. That I've done everything in my power, you know? And my kids saw me, you know, getting up every day, you know, exercising and they still see that, you know, if, if we're in a pot and they say, mom, do you want to try the cake? And I'll say, no, I don't. I don't. And they say to me, mom, you can, you can eat a little sometimes, you know, like, she'll get all, you know, they, they know all about it. And I said, I know I can, but it's mom's choice not to. So, you know, like I wanted them to have this, you know, this, this vision of me that I had tried, everything that I could. But as I mentioned to you, when I stayed at home by myself and self-given myself, I started getting to know who I really was. And I started spending time with myself, I shifted from wanting to live for them to wanting to live for me. Sidney: I can relate to that too. Angelica: Yeah. And there was just such a wake up call and I have always kind of spent life running away from myself. Like I, it was this journey of walking back to myself again. Right. And they were getting to know who I really was and being inside my body, being inside myself. Sidney: Right. That's what meditation does for me. And, and my, my journey was very similar, you know, when I was going through all this and I just dedicated myself to going every single morning to the beach for a long time and meditating and having these crazy magical experiences out there and just really getting in touch with myself, my higher self. And yeah, exactly. Like you're saying, that was some of the biggest transformation for me. I mean, that was probably the key, right. It was meditation that was, you know, without meditation, I'd never be where I am today. But that's the way in, in yoga. Right. that these are ways that you just get quiet and that's a big message that I always have is how can you get quiet? Because we just don't get quiet. We just don't do it, especially us moms. I mean, and in society today with technology and everything is just so moving so fast and you've got so many things on your plate constantly, it's like, we never get quiet and it's driving people to drink a lot more and eat a lot more and, you know, just find all these outlets. And the answer is within it's going with Angelica: Yeah, totally. Yeah. And I think that, you know yeah, so much, so many learnings from what you just said now, no older drinking. I mean, I've been stirring for, you know, 15 years nonstop and I used to love drinking alcohol and it was to love getting drunk. I mean, that's the reality of it, but you know, nobody's going to classify you as an alcoholic, unless you are living on the street and losing everything you have. Right. But I had to acknowledge that I didn't have a good relationship with alcohol and I needed to make a decision, you know, like, do I want to keep drinking or not? And some of my mates, you know, in my meditation practice days, which, you know, I meditate every day in the morning, first thing in the morning, I get so high. And now we had learned that in my early twenties. Sidney: Oh, I guess, yes. Angelica: Oh my God, this is amazing. Like, I get higher than if I drank, you know, like 15 beers. This is incredible. Sidney: I know, I know. And I like crave, you know, that's one of the reasons I crave going to yoga is just, you know, I love doing it, but then at the end, the Sovos, and I'm always so curious about, so like the instructors always have to like, you know, peel me off the floor in the end because I'm just like in it, you know? And I thought if I knew, if I had only known the magic and meditation geez, I could have saved myself a whole lot of pain over all these years. Angelica: That's for sure. Yeah. And like to say it, you know, like we have, I think people overcomplicate, like, you know, healing as well. Like I think you're right. We have the answers within ourselves. And I spend a lot of time speaking to my body and building this beautiful connection with my body that, while I'm saying this, I can feel in my body that my cells are listening to me. Like, there's this how strong the connection has become because I have cultivated that connection. And I know it sounds crazy. Sidney: Totally. That does not sound crazy to me. I can get that 100%. Yeah. And I've been in places where I feel the same way about myself, literally myself. I can see them just, you know, multiplying and regenerating. Yeah. And the funny thing is that I'm just loving that I'm talking to you right now, because honestly I've moved away from that lately, you know, the past few months, maybe six months or so. I haven't been as in touch with my body as I used to be. So this is like totally divine timing that all of this, I mean, it always is right, but this feels good in my, and my soul that we're having this conversation right now. Because it's just, it's exactly what I personally need to hear. And I know that there's people listening that feel the same way. So Angelica: Yeah. Yeah. I remember reading a book with Deepak shell, probably. I love Deepak Chopra and he asked a question: who do you think is the most intelligent, the body or the mind? And we attempt, we attempt to say to mind, right. And he said, the body is more intelligent than the mind. The body has all the answers. And we don't realize that, you know, the VAT is holding on to all the feelings and the emotions and the patterns all come from the body, you know, and their mind is just like this jumping, jumping monkey that it's kind of going crazy inside our heads. And, you know, some of us have more control of it than others, but really all of those memories come from the body. And if the messages that we're sending to our bodies are not messages of love, of quietness, of stillness, of compassion, you know, which I had to work very, very much towards, you know, having self compassion, forgiveness, and all of those beautiful things, you know, with the messages that we're sending is like, you know, I've got to do more, you know, I'm not enough. Angelica: I'm angry at this person. I'm angry at that. I'm blaming this. I'm blaming that when a, why me and all of that, then our bodies get tired and our bodies just start screaming at us, like minded to me. And the body says enough is enough. Sidney: Yeah. And you know, another way to say that it's all stored in the body is it's all stored in the subconscious. So your subconscious is what is running your show. And your subconscious is the keeper and the logger of everything that you've done seen, smell, taste, experienced, all of that, all the things that you've said to yourself, you know, this is the way that you talk to yourself, the thoughts that you allow into your mind, all of this gets logged in your subconscious and, and it, it acts right out of all of those things. And that's why training it retrains your subconscious through affirmations. And, you know, not just affirmations, but deep affirmations where you're not just saying things, but you're feeling them and just retraining your brain, retraining your thoughts, which starts with the awareness. And then it starts with, and then it moves into just practicing, right? Changing all of the information, the things that are coming into your subconscious, changing that. And then subsequently, you know what, you start, you start becoming right, this better version of yourself, this more free, peaceful version of yourself and your body starts acting the same way. You know, your body starts to regenerate more, your body starts to heal itself more. It's all just a natural flow of energy. Right. So, Angelica: Yeah, I totally agree. And I think they process like when people ask me, what's the one thing that you did, the reason, one thing, and I am a firm believer in what matters is what you do each day. You know, like we were talking a little bit before. I know you, you have tried way more different practices than I have. And I think, you know, because I had to self quarantine myself, I had to do everything on my own, like at home. And I did all my exercise from home. I yoga, you know, the changing food and the diet, I did n't own my own because it was out of necessity. You know, at the end of my treatment, I went to see a counselor, a psychologist, which helped me tremendously with especially, you know, letting go of the resentment that I held on against my parents. Angelica: But I went to reflect on a solid adjustment. But really the core of my healing was me taking a hundred percent responsibility for what I was doing each day. And because I did that, I started making those little shifts in a sub at a subconscious level. Like you said, you know, it wasn't one thing. If you're eating healthily, you are sending messages of love to yourself. You know, people think like, oh, if I go to McDonald's, I'm sending a message of love too much because it's what I want. You know, like, it's my pleasure food. It's like, no, that's rubbish. And you were putting rubbish inside your body, you know? And in the messages that you're sending to yourself is that you are not worthy of good food. So I think every little thing that you do is start compounding into changing at a subconscious level, that of the person who you are. I know every meditation that you do every year, yoga sessions that you do, every walk that you do, everything that you do. But I think that people think that there is one thing. And sometimes they think that if they go somewhere, somebody else is going to do that for them. And I think it's very important. I think what matters the most is what you do each day for you. Sidney: Absolutely. Absolutely. So it's the baby steps that count. It's the baby steps. It's not the one big thing. And as a society as well, we are so conditioned to quick fixes. We want everything right now. We wanted a pill. I mean, even just the whole pharmaceutical industry has got us convinced, you know, just get this vaccine and you'll be fine. Just get this, take this pill and you'll be fine. Everything's going to be fine. Just do this one thing and you'll be great. Right. And we're so conditioned to feeling like, you know, that's, that's the answer all the time. And it's not, the answer is to, like we said before, get quiet and go within. But that's a commitment that takes baby steps every single day. Just one little piece bite off one little piece every single day. And then all of a sudden, one day you're going to wake up and be like, wow, I've come a long way. And I didn't even notice it. I like that they are different. Angelica: Yeah. I totally agree with that. Yeah. I think that the instant gratification, the quick fixes, you know, like the, you know, diet shakes, intermittent fasting, you know, all of that stuff that it's, there is always a gimmicky thing, like do this and you're going to solve all your problems. I think that it's sad that people still fall for that because, you know, if you don't come to the realization, like, you know, myself, if I hadn't come to the realization, they took me 38 years to abuse my body so much to get to stage three. I had cancer that was going to take me a while to heal completely. And I still take healing as, as is, as I did when I first started. If anything, I take it even more seriously because I kept changing my diet. I still change my habits. I still tweak things around. I made myself a promise that I was never, never going to compromise on my health again. And I don't do that. You know, this is like a promise that I made for myself. And I just live up to this promise every single day. And I still feel like I'm still healing. You know, who am I to think that I'm not, I finished chemo in 2018 in November. I had a hysterectomy in February, 2019. It's only been like two and a half years. Sidney: Right. We're not. Angelica: And, but people just want to, yeah. People just want to be like, oh, that's it. You know, I've done this, you know, and, and I'll be fine and I don't need to do anything else. I can go back and eat bugs and fries every day. He was like, well, no, Sidney: I know I have to tell a funny little story just to reiterate the fact that I'm so not perfect. What, not that anyone would have thought that, but we just got back from vacation in the mountains and you know, I've been basically a vegetarian, I would say, vegan on and off, but vegetarian. Ever since I started really trying to heal my body, which has played a big role in it. And, you know, I had come so far and we were on vacation and I thought, you know what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna eat me. I'm just going to have this Cuban. Cause I used to love Cuban sandwiches. And so I was like, you know, whatever, I've come so far. It won't hurt me. And you know, who knows if it really did or not, but you know, like I told you before we were, before we started recording my numbers did go up a little bit. So that could have had something to do with it. The fact that I ate pizza and a Cuban on our recent vacation, you know, like I can't do that. And so I'm totally with ya, but it's so hard, you know, you want to treat yourself to these pleasures that we think are going to be pleasures, but they're really not. They're so instant, you know, we, we do it and then we've done it. And then we're like, well, that wasn't really worth it. You know? Yeah. I admire your cake. Angelica: I have, I have just visions that, you know, I dunno, I used to love cheese, you know, like when I, you know, like the blue cheeses, like with mold and stuff, you know, like I just look at this stuff now. And I just think about this fatty, my God, you know, obviously what I had my cancer that I'm like, yeah, I'll pass that. Angelica: So I made myself just stories in my head that, you know, just to help me too. And look, I think you're right. Like when you know, if by any chance, like I, I go somewhere and you know, like a potty and I'll eat something, I just instantly feel terrible. Like, because your body gets used to a certain level of health and it's pretty hard as well. Yeah. and I don't see, I see any more like you know, hard to say, you know, it's, it's, again, it's a habit thing, right? Is it really a habit thing that you there, you kind of need to, you know, to start with baby steps and again, you know, it was, I never went on a diet. I never did anything overnight. And I stopped eating processed sugar. Then I started, you know, buying organic vegetables. Angelica: Then I stopped, you know, I was still eating meat during my treatment. You know, I don't eat meat anymore. But like, you know, it's a process. I think everything that you want to fix overnight, it's a problem because then you fall back into your old ways and then you get this appointment and you gain through the cycle. And I've, I mean, I've never liked diets. I mean, I've, I think diets in opposite diets don't work. It's a proven fact. Right? And I think that, you know, just the word itself, it feels restrictive. Like I eat a lot, I eat all the time, but I eat the right things and I am in the best shape of my life at 42 years old. Not because I diet because I just eat the right thing and you know, everything that I, Sidney: I think the key with, with diet and this, this can be a whole nother podcast, but it's, it's still, always comes back to getting quiet and learning, to get to know yourself and loving yourself because when you love yourself and when you know how worthy you are of good things, you don't want to put garbage into your body. Right? Yeah, definitely. It's, it's just, it's a whole mindset. And that goes back to the daily practices. I think the most important daily practices to get quiet with yourself, whether that's meditation or journaling or gratitude practices or yoga or whatever it is to quiet your mind, get to know yourself. I mean, you said it so beautifully. You had to quarantine yourself for seven and a half months. I mean, that's a long, amazing time to, you know, that's like bootcamp, bootcamp, Angelica: Bootcamp. Yeah. Sidney: It's beautiful. Angelica: And it wasn't comfortable, you know, it wasn't comfortable. I think it's you know, it's important to highlight to people it's at first it will feel strange because if you are not used to spending time with yourself, of course, you're going to feel like Hawaii, but like, how can you get to know a friend if you don't spend any time with that friend? So for me, it was like I hadn't spent any time with myself. I was just running like a headless chicken for one thing through another, without checking in with myself, checking in with my emotions, checking in with how I was feeling about anything and just fighting through life. And I mean, and I had to put my hand up. I think it's, for me, a very important part of the process, you know, as a doer, as a type, a personality, wanting to fix everything. Angelica: And there were things I felt I was doing everything right. You know, it's very easy for us to fall into the trap, like, oh, but I'm doing everything. You know, like, you know, especially when he comes and Obina mom, I'm doing everything opposite that my parents did. I'm trying so hard not to be like my parents. You know, I'm, you know, I've got, I've created a different life or whatever it is. And I had to put my hand up and acknowledge that everything that I had done, it was pretty wrong. The way that I was treating myself, the way that I was being a mother, the way that I was, you know, treating my family, you know, just giving my all to work and leaving them with nothing. All of that was very important for me to acknowledge, to be able to change. Because if I had sat there and thought, but I'm doing everything wrong, why me? I'm a good person then w you know, that wouldn't help me to acknowledge that I had been doing a lot of things wrong. Sidney: I can totally relate to that. So you're a transformational coach now. Yeah. Were you a coach beforehand? Angelica: No, I, we used to work in recruitment, so I use, Sidney: Gosh, so did I stop? Angelica: Oh, I go, well, who did you recruit? Like, did you recruit? I used to recruit developers for it. Accounting and Sidney: Finance. Oh, okay, Angelica: Cool. Yeah. So I did go back to my corporate job and I, I look, I, I loved, you know, I had a career, like I had been in recruitment for 10 years, so it wasn't like a five minute job thing, you know, like I had been really successful in that career and I really enjoyed. But when I went back, it was, it was, it was probably one of the hardest parts of my whole journey as well. Like after you finished chemo, they tell you, okay, so now you're treating CNH, go back to living your normal life again. And you're like but how do I do that? Like, Sidney: Do you like it, but she died. And now it's totally something that, Angelica: And also it's, you know, as you know, the recruitment people just, you know, like you meet them and they're complaining about their bosses and their colleagues and their jobs and their paths and their dogs. And you, you want to shake them and say, but I've just died. Like, be happy that you were alive. And, Sidney: Yeah. Angelica: So after a year of trying to find myself and my company had given me the opportunity to work from home and part-time, and of that, I had learned so much that I felt that I needed to, you know, teach people what I had learned and, you know, teach people that it was possible to, to do so much for ourselves, especially in the cancer world, which is a very negative world. As soon as you, as soon as you say, I have cancer, people just look at you in front of you and they are already planning a funeral, your funeral for you, and you have to counsel them to go, no, no, don't worry. I'll be fine. And it's so tiring doing exercise that it was great that I had to self quarantine myself, because I didn't have to go through this exercise with people, but this is what the cancer world is, you know? Oh my God, you're having chemo. Oh, now that's really bad. And you're like, well, tanks, that's all I needed to hear today. Angelica: No. Exactly. So after that, after a year of trying, I came across Tony Robbins and I didn't know who he was. And I would say Tony Robbins really helped me to leave my corporate job and start my business. And it was last year in February. And initially I thought that I could focus on helping people during cancer treatment because I did so much doing treatments that I felt, you know, when I finished, I felt healthier and stronger than I had ever been. And I saw what was possible, but obviously, you know, during chemo nom, people are going to do what I did, you know, and before that would be very timid to say this, but these days I'm incredibly proud of what I did. You know, when I finished my 12th session, one of the oncologist's nurses told me Angelica, I'm so happy for you that you were able to finish the treatment. And I said to him really like why? And he said, because in eight years of oncology, I have seen four people finishing 12 sessions. Wow. Wow. And I thought, oh, nobody told me this at the beginning. Angelica: Thank God they did it. No, I know. So I wanted to tell people now, like, you know, there's so much you can do, you know, during chemo, but then I had a massive shift in, you know, when I looked at my journey, I wanted to help kind of, you know, the old version of myself, it was that person who was running herself to the ground or himself to the ground. So to avoid that person, to get what I had been, because there was a lot of suffering and a lot of sadness, and it wasn't easy. You know, I immediately reached rock bottom and I felt that the ambulance was like on the bottom of the cliff, really waiting for me. And we don't have to get there to change. You know, we can change beforehand. And I know most of us, unfortunately, we, we work like that. Angelica: We need to reach a crisis to really pull ourselves together to start making changes, but it doesn't have to be like that. There were so many signs already on my body. And I don't know if you feel the same, but there was so many signs in my body, my life and everything that, you know, like, you know, that I say that I said at the beginning, God was trying to sh to wake me up and I just didn't want to listen because I am stubborn and this can go, this can go this can be a positive thing, but that, that can also be a negative thing. Right. and I feel that there is, you know, there is a lot we can do before we get there. Right. Sidney: Yup. Those that's so similar to my journey of course, is realizing that we ridiculously have so much in common. So I, what happened for me was my rock bottom. It started with infertility and that was what woke me up. And set me on a couple of years too, into the dark night of the soul. And then, you know, finally getting pregnant, which was amazing. And, but I w I thought I've kind of arrived, you know, once I got pregnant and I was like, oh, great. I went through that really hard place in life. I'm good. I've got a message to share. Like, I thought my message was going to be great with, you know, hitting rock bottom and, you know, detoxing your whole body. And, you know, finally you get rewarded with something you've been dreaming about, you know, like you manifested it and it's just wonderful. Sidney: And then, boom, I just didn't see that coming. But it was my major, the wake up call was the kidney experience. And so it really, you know, basically I almost died and I, I'm pretty sure that my old self really did stay behind in that hospital. You know, I was in the hospital for a month and when I left, you know, I was a new person. It was a journey to, you know, I was still sick for a very long time, but you know, even my, one of my closest friends said, you are not the same person as you were before you got out of the hospital. Yeah. And she's energetic. I see it. It's just an entirely different human being. Yeah. And so I felt that, and ever since then, you know, I've been, like you said, on a mission to help others, you know, learn that they don't have to go through such a terrible experience to change their lives, you know, to, to find themselves to break free from the old habits of stress and anxiety that totally plagued you. And not knowing yourself and not knowing how to have peace. And so, you know, Angelica: Yeah. I just, that totally resonated, you know, I don't know if you know, but I had an ectopic pregnancy before my, you know, the cancer. So I had an ectopic pregnancy, I lost an ovary and a tube, and they told me, you have half a chance of getting pregnant now. And I was already 30, 31. And obviously that made me really think, you know, I did time. I wasn't sure if I wanted to have kids. And I feel that now when I look back, it was again, God working on my life to say, well, if you're not sure in any field playing with your destiny and if you're playing with something so serious, I'm just gonna maybe have to give you a little nudge to see if you're going to do something about it. And I finally decided no, I want to have kids. Angelica: And when my husband and I started trying, I remember my husband getting really upset about it. And I kind of said to him, look, I, you know, I don't want to like, become super stressed about those lights, just like, let go. Somehow I kind of didn't really get to obsess about that. And in four months I got pregnant and I was really blessed and lucky to get pregnant, had my son. And then when I stopped breastfeeding him, when he was about one and a half years old I got pregnant again by my daughter and I had the worst pregnancy ever, you know, all signs from my body. I had nine months of sickness, proper sickness. I'll be, you know, going to work in between meetings. I'll be like throwing up. It was horrible. And I had just had diabetes, again, another sign of my body. Angelica: And I just didn't listen to any of that. Went back straight to no cap being stressed out to the bone cap, you know, just being using my body and all looking after my body didn't do any exercise and you know, and all of that. And when I got diagnosed with stage three, I would always say if he had been stage one or stage two, I probably would have gone back straight into my crazy life. Again, I needed the severity of stage three, you know, in the same way, as you said, like, you know, I thought that the fertility had got me and had made me realize, you know, sometimes we need a severity of something to go like now, now my world has definitely stopped. And maybe, maybe we, I [inaudible] at the same level as well. Sidney: Sure of it. Yeah. Yep. I needed that catalyst. And, like you said earlier, I am grateful for my, you know, whole kidney experience and, you know, and the experience that the road I'm still on, you know, every day I'm learning something new and evolving so fast. You know, I look around me and I'm like, geez, like it's like every week I'm, I'm literally evolving into something totally different. And every week it's like a brand new, you know, level of awareness and just mind blowing. And so, yeah, it's a, it's a crazy journey to be on, but it's exhilarating. And I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. And what I really want my idea is, and this yours is as well is to just share with people how they can get this without having to have that catalyst, you know, and that's not going to be for everybody. Sidney: Some people are going to need it and eventually they will get it. You know, it's, it's inevitable, truly it's inevitable because your soul is on you, we're in earth school, right. We're in earth school to learn and evolve into growth. And if one thing doesn't get our attention, something else. Well, so I'm just so grateful to have you now in my life. So I'm sure we'll be friends for a long time and I'm so grateful that you're on the show. And if if anyone wants to, I will put your information in the show notes, your Facebook, I don't know if you have Instagram, but I know you have a Facebook, but I'm out, whatever you give me after here, I will put in there for people to just directly link over to you. Do you have any other, is there a specific way that people can get in touch with you if they've maybe want to work with you as a client? Or how does that work? Angelica: Yeah, so they can get in touch via Facebook and I do have a website as well, so they can get in touch through that. So those are the best kind of way to go on. Sidney: Okay. Awesome. And I've seen a lot of your stuff and a lot of your client testimonials on your Facebook page and they're beautiful. So I have no doubt that you are an amazing coach, so thank you so much. And you are in Australia, which is a totally different timeframe. And I am recording this at about 8:00 PM at night right now. So I probably sound a little bit different at night than I do in the morning. I usually record these in the morning, so I'm probably getting a little frog throaty, but yeah, especially if anyone is in your time zone, that would be ideal, but I know I'm that you probably work with plenty of people you know, in different time zones as well. So don't be afraid of the time zone by any means. Angelica: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I work a lot with clients in Europe and in the U S and it kind of does as well. So I think these days are not an issue at all, but yeah, no, thank you so much for the opportunity. It has been amazing. It's been a beautiful yeah, just a beautiful chat and so glad that you reached out. I am super proud of your journey, you know, like just by knowing you, I think it's amazing what you have done. You're such a living proof of what's possible. I am confident that you're going to fully heal your kidneys too. I can see that you'll have it in you to do that. And I know that sometimes it's hard to say that and because you put a lot of weight on, but I really feel that you have that energy. And I, I think that's, that's beautiful to keep doing what you're doing and it's beautiful that you are sharing your journey and helping other people as well. I think that's amazing. Sidney: Thank you so much, Angelica. It just warms my heart and I feel the same way about you, obviously. It's why I wanted to bring you on here because you totally inspire me. So thank you again for being on the show and you guys need to reach out to Angelica. She's awesome. All right. I will catch you in the next episode.   Sidney: Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of my inner tiger before you go. I'm curious to know how many times you have tried using affirmations and gotten zero results? I did that for years, and then I finally realized how to do it right? And that changed everything for me. And that's why I created this beautiful daily manifesto, which I'm giving to you at no cost at all. And it comes with detailed instructions on how to actually get the real change that you want. It's basically a really cute and printable list of powerful affirmations, all geared toward helping you manifest more peace. And self-confidence, I mean, who doesn't want that? I have one right here in front of me and the wall in front of my desk, and then I have another one in the bathroom in front of my toilet. That way it's a huge part of my daily life.   And trust me, it makes all the difference. I am sure you will love it too. So head on over to myinnertiger.com/manifestation, or click the link in the show notes below to download your free copy. And if you loved what you heard today, please, please, please rate and review this podcast on iTunes. And finally, if you're not already, follow me on Instagram @myinnertiger for more tips and inspiration, I can't wait to connect with you there. Now, go out there and manifest your dreams because you are absolutely worthy of everything you desire. I'll catch you in the next episode.